What The Pug
Where are these things running wild?
Also, they look like a beatle fucked a monkey, and that offspring fucked a bulldog. Or something, I don't know.
Don't get me wrong I actually like pugs. With their charming ineptitude and snotty noses, ceaseless yipping, and boundless energy they are like eternal 2 yr olds on steroids. They are a jolly and friendly breed and are very, utterly harmless. Manic though they are I've never seen one go rabid or angry. Protection-wise they'll yip at an intruder but only to hearken a new playmate.
I'm not a dog owner. This isn't one of those blog posts. I would however be fine with owning a pug. A friend of mine when I was younger, his family had them some pugs, and I recall laughing my ass off at them like they were that one bearded, robust frat brother whose shameless Chris-Farley-esque humor could win over any cynical company.
But my question is where do these guys run wild? Wikipedia suggests they were bred in the way-back times of the Shang Dynasty in East China. But nothing before that. And they were kept solely as lap dogs for company. And, I imagine, entertainment. I mean they are the monkeys of the dog world.
Having thought about the pug's temperament for much longer than I should have, I placed the dog in the arena of my mind against that of the most formidable beast-warriors of the wild, the bear. And I have come up with two possible outcomes. The bear swats down the spritely pug as it leaps itself up at the bear to ferociously lick its face and is then devoured in about three bites.
Secondly, and highly more probable is that the bear is perplexed by the very nature of the energetic pug. At first bear wants to annihilate pug. But pug is oblivious to the impending confrontation and keeps finding small twigs and pine cones to place in front of bear in hopes bear will go a few rounds of fetch. Bear just stares menacingly at pug. Pug stares back with vacant eyes, licks its lips twice, blinks just the once, and then scurries yipping under the bear, through its hind legs and comes half circle back and then bounds itself over the bear. Tail waggingly excited to have an audience, pug then rolls around in the cool dirt, stops to pant, then darts off into the brush in one direction, and with much benign barking and pitty-patty steps over forest floor comes happily back into view from an entirely new and unexpected direction.
Bear is exhausted from the spectacle, and cannot bring himself to destroy something so unassuming. He lumbers back from whence he came. Pug follows yipping and licking all the way. Days pass and the pug gives the sleep deprived bear no peace. Finally, one day a mountain lion comes into bear's territory. Bear is ready to bear down on it when pug finds himself enamored with and then attaches himself to the mountain cat. Bear lets it be. Lion and pug go off together, lion begrudgingly so. Bear is happy and gets his first full night of sleep in days. He wakes up refreshed and approves of his life back to normal. But all in all, there is a sadness. He'd never ever take the pug back, but there is a sadness.
Such is the life of the wild pug, the one creature that God leaves alone and unencumbered because He doesn't rightly recall why he invented the damn thing, and until He remembers its proper purpose He cannot dole out judgment and punishment justly. Go forth, all ye befuddling pugs. Go forth and be blessed by your purposelessness and unappointment in the majesty of creation.
But my question is where do these guys run wild? Wikipedia suggests they were bred in the way-back times of the Shang Dynasty in East China. But nothing before that. And they were kept solely as lap dogs for company. And, I imagine, entertainment. I mean they are the monkeys of the dog world.
Having thought about the pug's temperament for much longer than I should have, I placed the dog in the arena of my mind against that of the most formidable beast-warriors of the wild, the bear. And I have come up with two possible outcomes. The bear swats down the spritely pug as it leaps itself up at the bear to ferociously lick its face and is then devoured in about three bites.
Secondly, and highly more probable is that the bear is perplexed by the very nature of the energetic pug. At first bear wants to annihilate pug. But pug is oblivious to the impending confrontation and keeps finding small twigs and pine cones to place in front of bear in hopes bear will go a few rounds of fetch. Bear just stares menacingly at pug. Pug stares back with vacant eyes, licks its lips twice, blinks just the once, and then scurries yipping under the bear, through its hind legs and comes half circle back and then bounds itself over the bear. Tail waggingly excited to have an audience, pug then rolls around in the cool dirt, stops to pant, then darts off into the brush in one direction, and with much benign barking and pitty-patty steps over forest floor comes happily back into view from an entirely new and unexpected direction.
Bear is exhausted from the spectacle, and cannot bring himself to destroy something so unassuming. He lumbers back from whence he came. Pug follows yipping and licking all the way. Days pass and the pug gives the sleep deprived bear no peace. Finally, one day a mountain lion comes into bear's territory. Bear is ready to bear down on it when pug finds himself enamored with and then attaches himself to the mountain cat. Bear lets it be. Lion and pug go off together, lion begrudgingly so. Bear is happy and gets his first full night of sleep in days. He wakes up refreshed and approves of his life back to normal. But all in all, there is a sadness. He'd never ever take the pug back, but there is a sadness.
Such is the life of the wild pug, the one creature that God leaves alone and unencumbered because He doesn't rightly recall why he invented the damn thing, and until He remembers its proper purpose He cannot dole out judgment and punishment justly. Go forth, all ye befuddling pugs. Go forth and be blessed by your purposelessness and unappointment in the majesty of creation.
Also, they look like a beatle fucked a monkey, and that offspring fucked a bulldog. Or something, I don't know.
Labels: Pugs
posted by pacoblue at 5:26 PM
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