On a Honey Wagon to Hell

Hallo to all! Chris sent me an email to make me jealous of what stories can spring from the Dirty-Dirty, no pun intended, about a couple of guy who clean out septic tanks. Instead it made me nostalgic for me youth. What follows is the reply I sent. All of it happened. And for those of you who don't know, a Honey Wagon is what the truck these people use is called.

Enjoy.

When I was in middle school there was this kid we called Honey Wagon Wayne. His father owned the business that handled the business of our community. He looked like a retarded Bruce Lee and spoke just like Muhammed Ali, when he was still Cashus, but slower and raspier, as Clint Eastwood's impersonation would go. He was filling in a large map of the world spread across the floor in social studies class, I had walked on it (no big deal in and of itself) to get to the other side of the room. I hadn't felt anything underfoot, but heard behind me: "Oooooh, you done stepped upon my finger and crayon!" He franticly scuttled on all fours toward me and punched me square in the ass. He punched my butthole. A redneck on the other side of class said, "Look at 'im. He can't wait to get at other people's shit! You gon' do your daddy proud, Honey Wagon!" Everyone laughed. Honey Wagon Wayne stared him down, "Oooooh (he started all threats with oooooh), you gonna git it from me. You gonna git it from me."

A couple days later he was busted by police at school when he showed off a gun he had hidden in his locker.

We never saw him again, but he made his point clear. Honey Wagon Wayne was not going to take shit off anyone.

love, love, love,
jody